Teaching Our Children

God only knows how encouraging Charlene Notgrass’ blog has been to me over the years. My kids are adults now, but I have gleaned so much wisdom and great teachings about motherhood through Mrs. Notgrass’ blogs; they’re a gem to me. I love sharing them with you whenever I read one that I find particularly encouraging and/or convicting. I hope you don’t mind. 🙂

You can read the blog post that I’m referring to in this post here. It encouraged me this morning, so I wanted to share.

If you’d like, please read Charlene Notgrass’ blog first, then come back and finish the rest of this blog or keep reading and then read her blog post, if that’s what you prefer. 

A few things that stood out to me in this blog were:

“Cooperation makes it happen.”

“A basic skill that children must learn is how to lay down their own agendas so they can bless other people, starting with the members of their own family. At the root of cooperation is a willingness to consider the needs and desires of other people and to sacrifice my own needs and desires to meet them.”

“Parents know how difficult it can be to teach a child to consider the needs of others.”

God tells us many times in His Word to be humble, serve others, and be selfless. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves, do not merely look out for your own personal interests but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4). 

Oh, this flesh! This is so hard to do, even for ourselves, how much more to teach it to our children? But teach we must! And not only teach, but live it out as well. But how?

Thankfully, we have the answer in the very next verse that teaches us how to live this selflessness out by looking to our Savior. “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus…did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped but emptied himself, taking the form a bond-servant…He humbled Himself..” (Philippians 2:5-11). He didn’t look out for His personal interests, but the interests of others. Christ did nothing from selfishness or empty-conceit, but had humility of mind. 

Our Lord is our example, He is our model. And what a great example and model He is! Our kids look to us as we model Christ to them. May they see in us, God-fearing, humble, repentant, tender-hearted, kind, compassionate, prayerful, selfless, serving women, and much more, to the glory of God.

God bless you, always!

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, ² make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. ³ Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; ⁴ do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. ⁵ Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. ⁸ Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹ For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, ¹⁰ so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹ and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

¹² So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; ¹³ for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

¹⁴ Do all things without grumbling or disputing; ¹⁵ so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, ¹⁶ holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.

~ Philippians 2:1-16

Day 4 – In Which Spiritual Discipline Do You Most Want To Make Progress This Year, And What Will Do About It?

I am continuing on to day 4 of Donald Whitney’s excellent resource to get people to consider their spiritual walk at the start of a new year or on their birthday. Check it out here. The aim is to try to answer one question a day.

Day 4 – In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

I want to grow in the practice of meditation of the Word and journaling. I have found that some of my most enriching moments in studying Scripture have been when I’ve slowed down to meditate on the Word and journal afterward. My plan this year, Lord willing, is to linger on to study one book of the Bible at a time, meditate on its contents, and journal what I learn.

I finished today a mini-study of Psalm 27 by Cheryl Marshall, which I highly recommend, and I am looking forward to beginning a study of Philippians. I want to read it over and over, memorize it, journal as I go, and hopefully, use as a companion to my study, Susan Heck’s book on a study of Philippians called In Fullness of Joy. Check out her Bible Study on Philippians on her website here. I have also thought about going through Lisa Hughes’ Bible Study on Philippians after I finish with In Fullness of Joy, but I haven’t decided yet. Needless to say, I am excited for what I’m about to learn.

“The reason we come away so cold from reading the word is because we do not warm ourselves at the fire of meditation”  ~ Thomas Watson

“Open my eyes that I may behold wonderful things from you law.” ~ Psalm 118:18

What about you? What spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

Check out these verses on beholding and meditating on God’s wonderful Word. God’s Word is so sweet! May it be our mediation day and night.

Day 3 – What’s the Single Most Important Thing You Could Do to Improve the Quality of Your Family Life This Year?

I am continuing on to day 3 of Donald Whitney’s excellent resource to get people to reflect on their spiritual walk at the start of a new year or on their birthday. Check it out here. The aim is to try to answer one question a day.

Day 3 – What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?

As my children are getting older, and I sense their time to depart from home and form families of their own inching closer, I find myself cherishing things that I, regrettably, once took for granted.

I treasure our conversations, the prolonged hug, and everyone sitting at the dinner table together (though dinners together as a family have become fewer as our schedules are different). I treasure the long weekend and, even sickness; when we were all sick with Covid at the start of 2022. Hey! We started the year on a positive note. It forced us to slow down, put our robes on, cuddle on the couch watch movies, and just enjoy one another without the rush of getting out the door and the never-ending demands of our schedule.

So, I guess the answer to the question would be to cherish.

Cherish the special moments of conversation,

of physical touch and affection,

of laughter,

of silliness,

of spontaneous karaoke sessions,

of defending the title of Parcheesi Champion and Spot It! Master,

of the hard discussions,

of thinking through life issues,

of decision-making,

of our political talks.

I want to soak it all in because these people are my people and my precious gifts from the Lord.

I purposely inserted the word special before the word moments in the paragraph above. Unfortunately, we tend to consider them special mostly in retrospect; sometimes many years after the moment is gone. In our day to day, they’re simply mundane moments, but truly they’re special mundane moments, we just don’t realize it at times (or yet). And I want to embrace these moments for as long as I can.

Life is a gift. Family is a gift. My family is a gift. Thank you, my Father of lights, for the good and perfect gifts that you have bestowed on me (James 1:17). Thank you for my family. Help me not to take them for granted.

Cherish! That is what I believe is the single most important thing I could do this year to improve the quality of my family life.

Cherish my family. Show them that I love them. I do love them, but I want to “excel still more” (1 Thessalonians 4:1; 9-10).

Well Done

Whose well done are you working for?

As children of God, His precious servants, our labor is for Him. We work for Him from a heart overflowing with gratitude.

Our work is not to earn salvation or any merit; for salvation is by grace alone, through Christ alone.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. ~ Ephesians 2:8-9

But we were created by God to bear fruit as children walking in His truth; as children that have been transferred from the domain of darkness to light. It is our honor to serve Him.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. ~ Ephesians 2:10

Sometimes we lose focus Who we’re laboring for. In that loss of sight, we fall into people-pleasing and self-serving activities, but remember, dear sister, that our labor is to be done in love and for Him; so that He may get all the glory.

Therefore, remember that in serving:
🔑 your family, it’s for His glory.
🔑 your husband, it’s for His glory.
🔑 your children, it’s for His glory.
🔑 your local body, it’s for His glory.
🔑 your neighbor, it’s for His glory.
🔑 your community, it’s for His glory.
🔑 your employer, it’s for His glory.

May our Lord help us to be humble servants and walk in the good works that He prepared for us long ago. Help us, Lord. 🙏

O to Be Like Thee (Hymn)
1. Oh! to be like Thee, blessed Redeemer,
This is my constant longing and prayer;
Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures,
Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.

Refrain:
Oh! to be like Thee, oh! to be like Thee,
Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.

2. Oh! to be like Thee, full of compassion,
Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,
Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,
Seeking the wand’ring sinner to find.

3. Oh! to be like Thee, lowly in spirit,
Holy and harmless, patient and brave;
Meekly enduring cruel reproaches,
Willing to suffer, others to save.

Possible Indicators of Bitterness

Bitterness is thinking about something over and over again, especially after you’ve been hurt. When you’re bitter, you’re taking into account a wrong suffered (1 Corinthians 13:5). It tugs at our hearts and dwells in our minds to an extent that we have no peace. We ruminate on the situation repeatedly and it’s torturous.

In her book, The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace, writes that bitterness hinders love. She goes on to list “Common Signs of Bitterness:

1. Gossip and Slander
2. Ungrateful and Complaining
3. Judges Motives
4. Self-Centered
5. Excessive Sorrow
6. Vengeful
7. Brooding
8. Loss of Joy
9. A Critical, Judgmental Attitude”

Now I ask, if as believers, our greatest aim in life is to live in a manner that pleases and glorifies the Lord (Ecc 12:13-14; 1 Cor 5:9), how does being bitter accomplish this? It does not. Living with bitterness does not honor God and we must seek to put that off. In fact, bitterness hinders the Christ-like love we are to show to others.

If any of these indicators are evident in your life and you acknowledge that you’re bitter, please repent and confess it to the Lord. God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from unrighteousness (1 Jn 1:9). Pray that the Lord will help you to forgive the person that hurt you. Seek out a spiritually mature sister to hold you accountable and help you to put off bitterness from your life. Keep your thoughts in check; making sure to replace an ungodly and unbiblical thought with a God-honoring and glorifying thought. We are able to do this by God’s grace (which along with God’s grace being His undeserving, unmerited favor, it is also His enabling power to do what we need to do).

“Confessing bitterness, clearing your conscience, and giving blessings will go a long way, but in addition, you must put off the bitterness by putting on kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving thoughts.” (Eph. 4:31-32).

Our great God is so worthy to be followed and obeyed. To Him be the glory always. And may He help us to be people with kind, tender, and forgiving hearts. Help us, Lord.

Book Review: Up from Slavery by Booker T. Washington

If ever anyone wants to read a book to inspire them to not give up on their hopes and dreams, it’s Booker T. Washington’s Up From Slavery. What a great read! What an extraordinary life of a man that truly worked his way up in life from slavery, overcoming many obstacles, and not allowing the awful and disgraceful societal tendencies of the time to limit blacks from achieving anything in life to hold him back. He wasn’t afraid to seek help when needed and did not hold a grudge against anyone for what he went through. In fact, from what I could gather, he was a humble man and a man of God who did not count on his own wisdom, but entrusted himself to his Creator and was used mightily.

Mr. Washington came from humble means and had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and education. He worked hard to get educated and, his efforts were rewarded. He eventually founded the historical Tuskegee University in Tuskegee, Alabama on July 4, 1881 (What a day!). I don’t know the current state of Tuskegee University – whether it still upholds the high work ethics of its founder or not, but I must say its beginning is truly admirable. Mr. Washington envisioned his students not only to be well educated but to have high morals and excellent work ethics; so much so, that their quality of work would overshadow any attention to their race. I would love to visit the institution one day and see the buildings that were constructed, brick by brick, by the very students.

Photo is courtesy of Library of Congress

I truly believe that this should be on every adolescent’s must-read for middle/high school (it most certainly will be for my children). Mr. Washington’s principles and thoughts on labor and work ethic closely resemble what I aspire to be – namely, that one must not shy away from work and that time is to be used wisely, to the utmost productivity. While I didn’t get to read this book when I was younger, I am so glad I got to do it in my adult life. The following is an excerpt from the book.

“While in Paris we saw a good deal of the now famous American Negro painter, Mr. Henry C. Tanner, whom we had formerly known in America. It was very satisfactory to find how well known Mr. Tanner was in the field of art, and to note the high standing which all classes accorded to him. When we told some Americans that we were going to the Luxembourg Palace to see a painting by an American Negro, it was hard to convince them that a Negro had been thus honoured. I do not believe that they were really convinced of the fact until they saw the picture for themselves. My acquaintance with Mr. Tanner reinforced in my mind the truth which I am constantly trying to impress upon our students at Tuskegee – and on our people throughout the country, as far as I can reach them with my voice – that any man, regardless of colour, will be recognized and rewarded just in proportion as he learns to do something well – learns to do it better than someone else – however humble the thing may be. As I have said, I believe that my race will succeed in proportion as it learns to do a common thing in an uncommon manner; learns to do a thing so thoroughly that no one can improve upon what it has done; learns to make its services of indispensable value. This was the spirit that inspired me in my first effort at Hampton, when I was given the opportunity to sweep and dust that schoolroom. In a degree I felt that my whole future life depended upon the thoroughness with which I cleaned that room, and I was determined to do it so well that no one could find any fault with the job. Few people ever stopped, I found when looking at his pictures, to inquire whether Mr. Tanner was a Negro painter, a French painter, or a German painter. They simply knew that he was able to produce something which the world wanted – a great painting – and the matter of his colour did not enter into their minds. When a Negro girl learns to cook, to wash dishes, to sew, to write a book, or a Negro boy learns to groom horses, or to grow sweet potatoes, or to produce butter, or to build a house, or to be able to practice medicine, as well or better than someone else, they will be rewarded regardless of race or colour. In the long run, the world is going to have the best, and any difference in race, religion, or previous history will not long keep the world from what it wants. I think that the whole future of my race hinges on the question as to whether or not it can make itself of such indispensable value that the people in the town and the state where we reside will feel that our presence is necessary to the happiness and well-being of the community. No man who continues to add something to the material, intellectual, and moral well-being of the place in which he lives is long left without proper reward. This is a great human law which cannot be permanently nullified.”

I love this statue by Charles Keck titled “Lifting the Veil of Ignorance.”

Have you read Up from Slavery? How would a book like this impact today’s youth if it were a mandatory read in schools? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Check out this conversation on PragerU with Dr. Carol Swain and Michael Knowles about the book on The Book Club.

https://www.prageru.com/video/carol-swain-up-from-slavery-by-booker-t-washington/

⁸ Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you,
Reprove a wise man and he will love you.
⁹ Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser,
Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning.
¹⁰ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. ~ Proverbs 9:8-10

The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on folly. ~ Proverbs 15:14

~ Ambism

Future Thoughts

My daughter’s been thinking a lot lately about what to do for college, where to go, how she will pay. She’s been dwelling on all things pertaining to her education future. She wants to make sure that she is covered financially. She is aiming to get a good score on the SAT and looking to CLEP some courses in order to save money and to get a scholarship, if possible. Of course I’m dragged into this futuristic craze with her. I’m the target of many questions (which I love to answer) and I now even find myself spending quite a good amount of time researching. This is our second year homeschooling so I have lots of questions, too. I’m trying to find ways to get her into college and get her some scholarships as well.

The other day while doing my usual research – looking for CLEP materials, the local college requirement for Dual Enrollment and the like – I started thinking about an elderly lady from my church. Let’s call her Nena. She has four sons, one which happens to be my pastor. She is a sweet lady and super affectionate.

I thought, “Wow, Nena raised very successful boys.” See, all of Nena’s boys are professionals of some sort: two doctors, one lawyer and a pastor. As a mother, what a great accomplishment to have your children become professionals in different fields. However, as a Christian, Nena’s has been much more successful because all four of her boys are saved. That’s amazing and God gets all the glory for that!

In the eyes of the world, Nena did a great job raising boys that took their education seriously and wound up pursing professional degrees. But even more so, Nena is successful in the Almighty’s eyes for having been obedient to the Lord in diligently teaching them His word. She could very well have raised them all to be the President of the United States, and that would have been a great feat, but being the President that fears the Lord and belongs to Him, now that’s incredible indeed.

For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?  Mark 8:36

Live Purposely

I want to encourage my children to be the best they can be.

To tap in to their creative side. Quiet the negative voices

trying to pounce on them like a roaring lion seeking to devour

their hopes, dreams and aspirations.

May they learn to silence that oppressive voice.

No, kill it.

For its very existence robs its victim of any God-given talent

and leaves them dejected,

like the disillusioned look in the eyes of many of the aged,

the ones abandoned in nursing homes;

feeling rejected and forgotten.

Yes,

that is what the negative voice does. It sucks

the life out of you and leaves you hopeless.

Aimlessly roaming the earth with nothing to look forward to,

full of untapped potential.

May the young kill that voice now in their youth.

That they may avoid the unfortunate circumstance

that many elderly find themselves

in – – a life of regret – – recalling all the opportunities

they had to make a significant contribution to this world, but

for the sake of instant gratification

forsook the chance

to leave a lasting impression.

They are now just waiting for the time

when they will leave this world and be no more.

But in the meantime,

though the voice has robbed them,

it comes back to assault with deadly blows,

reminding them of their failures,

a life wasted, taunting that

their hopes, dreams and aspirations are but a blur, and

keeping them in a state of mind of hopelessness.

Ignorant of the fact that even in their advanced age

they can but serve as a witness,

an experienced witness, and instruct

the youth on the perfect instrument to kill this foe…

WISDOM.

– Ambism ❤

Oh that my children would seek this truth,

hearken to my voice and fear the Lord…

who is the beginning of wisdom!

The Ant and the Grasshopper – a poem for my son

I’m sure most of us are familiar with the fable, The Ant and the Grasshopper. If not, I’ve included here.

In a field one summer’s day a Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to its heart’s content. An Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn he was taking to the nest.

“Why not come and chat with me,” said the Grasshopper, “instead of toiling and moiling in that way?”

“I am helping to lay up food for the winter,” said the Ant, “and recommend you to do the same.”

“Why bother about winter?” said the Grasshopper; “We have got plenty of food at present.” But the Ant went on its way and continued its toil.

When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food and found itself dying of hunger – while it saw the ants distributing every day corn and grain from the stores they had collected in the summer. Then the Grasshopper knew: It is best to prepare for days of need.

Having read the story one day, I thought about my son. I had been trying to teach him about the negative outcomes of laziness and being unprepared. The following is a poem that came to me after having read the story. I read the story and shared the poem with the family that evening. I’d like to share it with you as well.

Oh my son, learn at this tender age,
to avoid the same mistakes we’ve made.

In life you have to work hard for the things you want.
No excuses. No ifs, ands or buts.

You weren’t born rich, nor poor,
but to a family that gives you the world,

And oh, my boy, we have a story for you.
A story, to help you think of the things you do.

See we read the story of a grasshopper and ant,
followed by all the drama they had.

We hope you take heart and change your ways,
don’t be like the grasshopper that hungry he stayed.

Why? Because he was lazy indeed.
His parents must’ve warned him as we have thee,

The things that we tell you are for your own good.
Don’t let pride cloud your judgment and make you a fool.

My son, my son, we love you so very much.
We simply desire you grow just as much as God does.

I love my children so much. I can just pray they heed to my counsel.

~ Ambism

Hey! That was intended for you, not me.

The perfect person does not exist. Let alone the perfect child. Yet, as a mother, I have a tendency to forget that and often impose things on my children that I do not impose on myself and, conveniently or ignorantly, bypass.

For example, I was recently waking my son up asking him to get his day started. I told him once and went into the kitchen. About 10 minutes later, I realize that he was still in bed. I told him again to get up, he opened his eyes and turned in his bed. He looked like he was finally going to get up, so I went back into the kitchen. Another 10 minutes passed and he was not up. I became annoyed, firmly told him to “Get up. Now!” and then went on to lecture him about how we should not be lazy and questioned him as to why it takes him so long to get out of bed when he should just do it the first time. As I scolded him for his laziness, it dawned on me that I do it too. The difference is that I do not have a parent waking me up, but an alarm clock. I have been trying to show my children that we should not be lazy, even drawing from scripture; when all the while, I did the same thing by repeatedly snoozing my alarm clock.

I know how I want my children to be – a God-fearing, honorable, man and woman. I strive to shape that desirable character in them. Sometimes my technique is effective. Bam! They have learned their lesson. End of story. Other times my technique is questionable, even flawed. Such as when I am being repetitive in explaining why they did something wrong, why they need to aim to be a certain way without any compassion on my part, or just simply looking to change their behavior by making them feel bad. Another example is when I have had an outburst of anger if I was not obeyed. These techniques, while it may get their attention momentarily, does not have the lasting effect I want it to have – biblical repentance and a resolve to imitate Christ. Besides, God does not work that way in correcting and disciplining His children. He does not manipulate us to feel bad. In fact, I am reminded that it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4).

I forget that I must, above all else, model Godly behavior so that they may imitate me as I imitate Christ. If I desire my children to be more loving towards each other as well as to other people, then I have to model love in my life. I have to study love and apply love in my life. In my study, I must remember what God’s word says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 that:

“⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

It is unrealistic and even hypocritical of me to seek to cultivate patience in my children, if I am not interested in cultivating patience in myself or even trying to actively model patience. The same thing applies if I am trying to eliminate rude behavior in my children, while I am rude without the desire to be like Christ. While I understand that we have not achieved a perfect state of Godly character ( and we will not achieve a perfect state of patience, love, etc., on this side of glory, but will rather grow in them), we are admonished to seek after these good things, to pursue holiness. The Word clearly says that love is manifested by being patient, kind; not envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, demanding, irritable, resentful, etc. Oh what pressure! What a challenge!

Thank God that all believers have the Holy Spirit at work in them to remind, show and help cultivate the fruit of the Spirit. Thank God that we are growing in grace day by day. I am most reminded of my short-comings when I see them in my children. It is then when I know I must turn to God’s holy word and see what He has to say to me about these things. I have to go before my Lord in prayer, repent, and ask that He cultivate this Godly character in me so that I may be more effective in my children’s lives. I thank the Lord for allowing these situations to occur in which reveal my own short-comings, my sins.

As for my sleep-loving son, he still has to get up when I tell him. Though we are working on it. I still struggle with my alarm clock, but I am aiming to snooze less until the day that I get up at the first ring. Oh the joy that day will bring. In the meantime, as the kids say now-a-days, the struggle is real.

Stay encouraged, ladies. The Lord will complete the good work that He’s begun in us (Phil. 1:6). God bless you! 🙂